Now I've had a rest and shower and all the rest of it, I'll write some shite about this weekend, which it wasn't actually.

Seeing as I was not getting in until 6pm on Friday evening I decided to go up on the Saturday morning, leaving mine at 0630ish. The rest of the club departed at 1145 from Sainsbury's car park on the Friday, and from what I could gather the travelling conditions were not good, as it was thick pea soup fog and shite generally. My journey was not so bad as that and I left Plymouth at 0745 after paying a visit to Dave Bowen's for him to tighten up my clutch. Three cheers for Dave for doing that, although he won't thank me for locking him out his house (again)! Anyway, like I said, the weather was not bad until I hit Exeter and the heavens decided to open and I got soaked from there to Bridport. Once there I decided to have a coffee and a smoke and move on.

I got to Sandford about 1045 and one thing I will say of the benefits of travelling solo is that it does get you there quicker, without having to hang around for breakdowns, fag breaks etc. Once I arrived I located Richie and John and got my shit sorted and bed for the night. I then dried out a bit and unwound and had a few cans and caught up with the two misfits that I was sharing with. They basically said that the previous night's do was good and no complaints from any other quarter.

Once I got my act together, I headed to the trade stall and got a new shirt, inner tube and some Rockoil. Once done there and said a few hellos, I then hit the bar around the corner and shattered the peace of everyone else! Not really, I just made my announcement and got some drinks in. Again, more of the catching up and wot-not, and also finding out a bit more about the Fuhrer who was not in attendance due to illness. Seems to me that the Third Reich is crumbling, when the Fuhrer's health starts to deterioate then it spells bad news!

Anyway, topic for discussion that also came up was the club's new t-shirts. One word- CRAP! Firstly, the logo on the back is just naff, and secondly, the price was supposed to be a fiver, and amazingly it went up 100% to a tenner! What the fuck was that all about? Who were these rag trade rogue merchants we were dealing with and who thought that rubbish slogan on the back of them would be a hit? Let me tell you, the next time anyone wears one of those t-shirts will be to decorate their house with. Nuff said.

So, whilst in the pub we played some killer skittles which I didn't win (BOO!), and come kicking out time at 1430 I went up to the bar in the venue and chewed the fat with some mates from Leicester and slapped my mate Dunny about for cheeking me up on Myspace and so on. That done, headed back to the ranch and had some more beers and prepped my kit for the evening's proceedings. I had my houndstooth suit on and boy, did I look good! Like a million dollars, all green and crinkly. Oh yeah, whilst getting ready the Welsh won the rugby Grand Slam and cue texts from insufferable pricks from that country. Cunts...at least England won!

By the time I got to the do, the SkaTonics were on and doing the usual Madness/Specials/Bad Manners numbers and wot-not. Not bad, but could have been more original I guess. Everyone enjoyed themselves, so what the fuck, eh? I popped into the soul room after their set, and whilst in there the fire alarm went off so everyone had to leave. This was only for a short while as it could have been some nob pissing about or maybe just a short in the circuit. Who knows? It certainly didn't mar the enjoyment of everyone.

Next band on where some Mod oufit called Ready Steady Go! and they strutted onstage all suited and booted up. Yeah, quite smart, but not as sharp as me! They did the usual set you'd come to expect, and went down well also. Then after that lot, it was Emma's time again to spin the decks on the Wheels of Steel doing the one's and two's. As usual she didn't disappoint, everyone moving and grooving and shaking their booties down to the ground! I stayed around there until about 0130, and once back to the ranch, shared a few beers with Rich and John, and then when I'd had enough of the rubbish that was on the telly, I hit the sack. I was dozing off when I could hear some bird knocking on the next door caravan as she was locked out, but thankfully that didn't last for ever.

I woke up about 0630 and could hear the rain beating down and thought, oh fuck, a piss poor journey home. I rolled over and farted and went back to sleep, but woke again about 0830 and decided it would be a good idea to get some grub for brekky and was thinking that Richie would cook it but the lazy twat wasn't having any of it. John did instead, and a hearty brekky was had by all. A cookery tip I discovered was to microwave your bacon for 5 minutes and hey presto, perfect bacon and egg butties! Never done that before, will try it when I am rustling one up for brekky at home. Upstairs for thinking, downstairs for dancing!

Time for departure as we arranged the night before was 1100 from the main gate of the camp, and I rang around and spoke to Bexsy. He had left at 0800 and and had got as far as Wool, which was just around the corner from Wareham and his scooter had died on him. I rang him at 1000 and he was hoping to be in Brum for 1600 but the AA still hadn't sorted the recovery out for him at that time. I'm buggared if he managed to get a wriggle on but I just text him and have not had a reply yet. We shall see....STOP PRESS-He's in Brum as I type.

Anyhoo, we got off about 1130 once we'd all got our acts together, the Golden Girls or the Witches of Eastwick whichever way your perspective decides had already done one in their respective CARS (!!! ) as well as Hippy Darren who was on his way as well about 1000. Scooterists, eh? Note the name of this club, Southern Templars SCOOTER CLUB. Nuff said.

Our journey home was uneventful, but safe, and there was myself, Richie, John, Old man John Mitchell, Small Paul, Colin, Bagsy and Martin. No worries with the weather either, and we stayed dry all the way home. As I was riding home, I thought to myself that the Modrapheniacs rally was good for a few reasons. One, it ain't that far, yet if your arse is fat enough it will get numb sooner or later. Two, it's a fucking good rally too. they put on a good show and we all enjoy ourselves. I've not heard a bad word about it yet- oh yeah one thing, a pack of 16 fags for 7 quid! Robbing cunts! Not the Modra's lot fault of course.

To me though, that ride home was what it's all about. Riding home as a club and looking after each other, not racing off and leaving some poor sod stranded. Plus the good time we all had together and everyone happy as pigs in shit. I certainly was anyway. Those that missed it, never mind, maybe next year eh? My only regret was not getting Friday off but that was beyond my control. That, and that will be my only rally this year, as you are probably aware by now I'm off to the Gulf in 2 weeks for 6 and a half months.

Right, that's my lot, leave a comment and tell us what you think and mention anything I might have missed. Yee haw! Whose ya daddy!!

As always Mr Butler a good sit rep of the past weekend which i will agree with was a good weekend. However i feel i must add a few things. Firstly if i'm not mistaken i put Saturday evening meal on the table for you hence you got told where to go when it come to this mornings breakfast. Good effort for buying some food though, you are the daddy! Secondly the T-Shirts, yes they did turn out a bit poor and like myself some didnt get collected from the witches den. There are numerous reasons for that but all i will say is that " Mike, i will bring my tenner to the next meeting mate and i think i can speak for a few others, at the end if the day we said yes so a tenner it is" Thirdly, the weekend did go well but compared to last year there seemed to be less people, more cars but less people. Thats another thing like Chris mentioned riding to and from a rally like this one is all part of it. I'm not going to go on about car drivers cause what the point , they will still turn up at Newquay. What i was thinking is why cant we meet up with other clubs from the south west and ride in together. It was mentioned that other clubs dislike us that much that it would never happen............i dont believe that. Anyway enough waffle, great arse slapping weekend all round, good effort to Mr Mitchell for supplying endless mobile food, Manix for turning up at Sainburys early, Colin for not coming off, Martin for being patient up Holden hill, Paul for borrowing that pepper shaker, Chris for rocking my world, Darren for scaring John about hill racing, Jimmy for admiting he does have a drink problem and who can forget Mr Bexy proving that road side breakdown isnt a dirty word. See you all soon

Good effort guys, can't really add much to that . Sorry if i was even worse than usual ..promise i will at least have a shave at Newquay ! I still feel like shit now !

time to add my bit!!

after sorting myself out early friday morning, packing and stuff, i found myself getting to the meeting point early, shocking richie in the process!!! by the way richie, thanks for the bacon sarnie and coffee!!!
anyway, as people started to turn up heads were turned. some old biddy took a shine to small paul, quickly whippijng out an old photo of her and her husband??? on a scooter back in the 60's. at the meeting point was richie (who was suffering with bird flu), hippy darren, small paul, colin, bagsy, old man john and me.

so as the drizzle came down, we got our act together and set off. first stop, south brent sevices! old man john needs petrol. no major problems so far. next stop, holden hill sevices, exeter. re-fuel. richies scooter seems a bit bogged down, so he sets about stripping his carb and changing the needle. job done, we set off again. next stop, bridport. re-fuel, quick fag and a coffee. off we go again. still drizzling. next stop, sandford holiday park, wareham, dorset.modrapheniacs scooter rally!! in the words of bagsy, LETS GET PISSED!!!!


we got to sandford holiday park, swapped the 15 beer tokens for a sparkly wrist band, parked up and made for the bar! bumped into alex from the troggs and john and claire from bristol, by the way john and alex, forgot to mention that the tank museum was only down the road!! also bumped into a few lads from swindon that me and dave bowen have seen on euro rallys over the last couple of years. a quick chat to the rest of the club, that being jane, elen,jo and zoe aka, the witches of eastwick!! , bexy, jimmy and charley, who turned up later. then it was off to do a food shop and get into the caravan, if we could find it.

after ten laps of the caravan park trying to find the caravan, we gave in and asked for directions from one of the cleaners. he couldnt spaek english and we couldnt speak polish, and as a result took us to the wrong van. try again. this time getting to the right van!! cool as!! kettle on, oven on, beer in the fridge!! pizzas in oven, (cheers again rich!!) sorted!!! scoffed pizzas and had a few cans, got change and set off for the do. tracked down the rest of the club and bumped into simon from the showmen (think i owe you a beer mate). and got on it. now, was it just me or was it dead quiet? went for a wonder and a catch up with a few people and had a good night!!

saturday morning came, without a hangover, cool, as i wanted to do the ride out. popped down to the parts fair for a browse. went outside for a smoke and bumped into chris butler, he was due to stay in our van so i grabbed the ke from royale rich and went back with chris. richie gets back to the van and the tree of us sit around drinking tea and smoking butlers "rarebines"!!

1pm and its time for the ride out to swanage. me and richie rode down to the site entrance wich was the meeting point for the ride out, colin was already there and old man john turned up soon after. now, we like doing the ride outs because you get to meet all sorts of people. you do the ride, park up, take the piss out of each other and mingle a bit with different people from different clubs,. cool!! it was a good 10 mile ride. we stayed dry untill we got back to the camp site. stopped off at the site shop to pick up some more food beer, and when we came out it was pissing down!!

back at the van, me, royale rich and chris butler sat around cillin out for the rest of the afrtenoon with a few beers and more of butlers "rarebines" !! tea time saw royal rich cooking again, sausage chips and beans, garlick bread and beer!!! (cheers richie!!). ater tea, butler ponced himself up, (looking good chis!!), richie sat and chilled and i done the dishes. a few more beers with "ant and decs saturday night takeawy" on the box, and it was time to get ready for the do. outside the wind had picked up and started to "rock" the caravan.

walked down to the do in the rain. had a few more beers, saw the bands and done a lot of yapping!!! all i seamed to do all night was talk. some things i do remember thougfh was bagsy woundering around shouting "lets get pissed!!!", bagsy staggering around the dance floor pin balling off of everyone, and bagsy and hippy darren smoking in the do!!!! richie, still suffering with bird flu, went back to the van, butler stayed in the do and i stopped off in old man johns van for a bag of crisps!! stayed there fo about twenty mins then done the 500 meter sprint back to the sandford hilton for a cup of tea and a chat about the weekend so far with richie and chis. the wind had picked up again outside and started to rock the van again!!

sunday morning. crack open my eys, big yawn and...the fucking van is still rockin!! , still blowing (great for travel by broomstick!!), but not as bad as the night before. i got the bacon on, well in the microwwave and boiled the kettle and scrambled the eggs!! all fed and watered, we all set about packing. that took all of 10 mins!!! chris rang bexy and found out that he had broken down in a place called wool not far from sandford, he got back ok though. our meeting time for departure was 11am at the main entrance. we got down there and met old man john, colin, small paul, bagsy and martin. we set off for the journey home making a few stops for fuel, fags and coffee. it was a good ride home, a little bit windy and a little wet, but a good ride.
.
here are a few things that stick in my mind from the weekend.


richie royale...have you brought enough drugs? (bird flu, its a right bastard!!)
old man john...have you brought enough food?
small paul...spag bol, on a scooter rally!?
colin...you made it!!!
bagsy...LETS GET PISSED!!!
hippy darren...hill climbing? i'll have some of that!!
martim...taking being bissed to another level!
jimmy...taking being pissede to another level above martin, but with more stubble!!!
charley...or is it gary!!
bexy...i almost forgot about you!! hope you got back ok.
chris "big daddy" butler...yee haa!!! ride 'em cowboy!!!!


not a bad turn out from the templars with 8 scooters, this was a good rally. not as busy as last year + there seemed to be more cars than scooters.

heres looking forwar to the next rally, ride safe,

johnny m.

you can pour a beer for me down the toilet next time i see you jonny

Nice write up John, made up for some points that I missed and showed everybody what they were missing- the FOOLS!!